We've had a lot of fun with them trying to translate Scottish into 'real English' (haha... American...). We've asked them to repeat themselves over and over, and they patiently do so. And we've had to repeat our 'good' English to them too. And after three months, we've grown a wee bit more able to understand them, eh, Mark?
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| Colin, Mark and Alison, Chris |
Mark and Alison have been a wonderful gift to our congregation and to us, as new friends. Alison has a quiet and warm demeanor, and Mark is wonderfully goofy but so solid and so very kind, and a wonderful, insightful teacher. They leave today, and we will miss them so much!
Following is something Mark developed while he was here. He began three months ago when he arrived, gathering impressions of Pana, organized by sight, smell, taste, sound, and touch. Some are inside jokes it seems, and some use Scottish parlance, but I hope you enjoy it as much as we did:
Some observations that make Guatemala the amazing, crazy,
diverse, crazy, beautiful, crazy place it is. Enjoy!
Sounds:
- "Grackles". Large blue/black birds that dance on the roof in their tackity boots at 6 a.m. Chris and Colin swear they're actually huge lizards! They sound like a dog's squeaky toy to me...
- Speaking of dogs... Aaaaaaarrrrgggghhhhh! By day: mild mannered, lazy beasts that doze in the sun wherever they last sat down- usually that means the middle of the road. By night: roaming packs of Wolf/coyotes that feel the urge to howl at the moon every 30 seconds. Regardless of their size - Chihuahua or Alsatian - they patrol their territory and seem to bark at each other constantly, either by way of warning or greeting. Either way, it's annoying!!!! Now, where's that shotgun...?
- The whistles of Pana's traffic police. At each busy junction a policeman/woman stands sweating, dressed in black, except for luminous yellow gloves and vest, and directs traffic. If you don't stop when they blow their whistle, you're in trouble!
- The people. Everywhere you go you are greeted with: "Buenos", "Buen dia", "Ola" or some other appropriate greeting. They seem genuinely pleased when you return the favour or ask how they are. Its very refreshing.
- Fireworks. These also belong in the "aargghh" category I’m afraid. Now, I love fireworks like the next pyromaniac, but these things are something else. Kids, seemingly as young as 3 or 4, spend what little money they have on explosives. They don't seem to have any safety standards here, so fireworks are pretty much gunpowder wrapped in newspaper. And kids LOVE them! Regardless of the day or hour, you can be merrily strolling along one minute, only to be scared out of your skin by a huge "bang" 2 ft to your left! Then there are the REALLY BIG ones that sound like we're under attack. "The Libyans! They've found me, I don't know how, but they've found me! Run for it Marty!!"
- Trucks. Workmen drive huge tipper style lorries imported from the US. They fill them with boulders and gravel from the river bed and transport them to be used as building materials. You feel the ground rumble as they pass, hear their air brakes hiss, and their horns blow.
- Tuk tuks. There are also the ubiquitous "tuks". These are small motorbike rickshaw type thingymajigs. They buzz around all over the place ferrying people around town for 5q - approx 42p each. Some have working exhaust pipes, some do not...
- Sparrows. These cute little birds will always remind me of summer. They sit in the eaves chirping away. Fantastic!
- Mobile phone music. Specifically other people's. Normally this doesn't bother me- but at 4.18 a.m, 10ft from my bedroom window, and accompanied by loud drunken talking....it becomes somewhat irritating.
- Smashing glass. Colin!!!
- Tortillerias. When you pass these places, all you can hear is the women slapping hand made tortillas into shape.
- "Lustre?". On Calle Santander there are approx 3.84 million shoeshine boys (give or take). If you let them, they'll polish your shoes and blacken your feet for a mere 3q.
- Motorbikes. Everyone's James Dean. Even when they're not. Well, maybe just Andy Perez. But the rest? Do you really need to rev? Really?
- Wind. Not THAT kind of wind! The blowy, weather kind. It rattles the corrugated metal sheeting on the roof. Tsk tsk.
- Awful church singing. There are hunners of wee evangelical type churches in Pana, and every few days they have a meeting. The shouty preaching and hymns go on for ages - and can be heard for miles. And you thought our singing was bad?
- Beautiful kingdom hall singing. Even if the brothers mispronounce "Jahovah" when they sing, it still sounds great.
- Shannon Breneman. I have no clue what that woman says.
- Cockerels. I wouldn't mind to be honest, but this rustic sound of nature really does sound weird at 1.30 a.m.
- "Solola", "Adelante". The sounds of a working day beginning in Pana. Every morning, around 6.30 the Chicken Buses start filling up with commuters heading to work. To advertise the destinations of each, a guy yells at the top of his lungs. What's weird about that?
Smells:
- Flowers. Everywhere you look there are beautiful flowers. Either Bougainvillea, or honeysuckle, or orchids or even lemon trees. When the breeze comes your way it smells wonderful. And it's not only us that love them - there are thoosands of butterflies here too!
- Exhaust fumes. I refer you to "trucks" and "tuk tuks", (and then later on "chicken buses"). As i mentioned earlier, sometimes exhausts work properly, other times, not so much. Often you'll get a face full of oil-laden exhaust fumes as you walk down the street.
- Eggy shower drains. Yeuch! Just, yeuch!
- Earth. I know it sounds weird, but the soil/earth/dust here smells totally different from back home. Dunno what it is, maybe it's the volcanic ash.
- Plants. As the sun rose, and the dew formed on the vines and coffee plantations on the slopes of San Pedro volcano, you could smell a unique "jungly" aroma which was kinda pleasant.
- Drains. What can I say? There's no sewage treatment facility here in Pana, so EVERYTHING runs down the drains/gutters, which means that every so often you are assaulted by... odours. Put it this way, there are nicer things to smell...
- Wood smoke. I love the smell of wood smoke in the morning.
- Factor 30 suncream. What a great smell.
- Raclette cheese. Yeuch!! Nancy, your nose is faulty.
Sights:
- Volcanoes. When we open the curtains in the mornings, we can see three volcanoes. They're dormant, but they're still volcanoes: Atitlan and Toliman on the left, and San Pedro (which, in case you didn't work out earlier, I climbed...) on the right. Often, first thing, there are low clouds/mist 3/4 way up but by 10ish it's usually as clear as crystal and you can see the sun shining on the hillsides.
- Butterflies. I've spoken to some local people, and they say that there are much fewer numbers of butterfly than in previous decades. Well, if that's the case Guatemala must have been swarming! It seems that everywhere we go, there are butterflies. Yellow ones, bright orange ones, black and orange etc. Absolutely beautiful.
- People. I've mentioned the local people already, but the clothing worn by the women is so very brightly coloured. I would guess that the most prominent colour is an azure blue. Usually, the women wear a colourful floral blouse and a similar coloured skirt with geometric patterns, as well as a wide fabric belt. Quite often we see women carrying large baskets on their heads. The men wear wildly coloured striped trousers, or a kind of kilt. And they too, often carry huge loads - sometimes of firewood- strapped to their back and secured with a band round their forehead.
- Barca. Everywhere it's Barca! The boys wear football t-shirts, shops have posters, and even the tuks have paintwork or stickers, all in the team's colours. Makes me laugh.
- Chicken buses. Repainted and "reconditioned" U.S school buses used by tourists and locals alike. These things look great all blinged up, but they cough and sputter and rattle along the road, choking anyone in a 5 mile radius. Often the suspension's gubbed too, so you get a free full body workout whilst your next meal keeps you company... Oh, and there's a reason they're called CHICKEN buses!! Just don't look too closely at the tyres.
- Sunset. Some evenings the sunsets over the lake are stunning. Gold, red, orange and even purple - amazing.
- Drunks. Sadly, it seems even worse than Glasgow for alkys. Even though the average wage is around £8 a day, and people often have very little to eat, I've seen men passed out in the street, face down in a drying puddle of urine at 11a.m. Ah, reminds me of Castlemilk... but without the 60" lcd tv's.
- Artwork. The artwork here is actually pretty cool. There are very few "official" posters etc so the locals have painted their own. Shops, or "tiendas" have painted on the wall a selection of things they sell, e.g tortillas, cafe, pan, leche etc. Then you have the large wall murals like the huge crow on a building in San Pedro. Very skillful.
- Jehovah's name. It's surprising where you see Jehovah's name. It's on walls, billboards, even painted on tuk tuks.
- Tuk tuks. Pretty boring to be honest, and probably a bit unsafe at times. But at night....pretty cool!! All tricked out with multi-coloured led lights in various colours and flashing like there's no tomorrow. Come to think of it, some actually look better in the dark...
- Blood. Why do some people think it's ok to ride a motorbike when drunk as a skunk??
- People's homes. Honestly? I can't believe what some people live in. A few years ago a hurricane ripped through and wiped out half the town. I can see how that would happen. It's no different today.
- Hummingbirds. I love these wee birds! They literally buzz in and out of flowers, and they are TINY.
- Ants. They're called "hormigas" here, and we get TINY, almost transparent ones. I think this apartment is one huge ant nest.
- Gravel pit workers. All along the riverbed, men divert the water and dig large pits by hand. They separate stones from gravel, and gravel from sand. Then load it all onto trucks to sell as building materials.
- Pickup trucks. Local people climb into the back of pickup truck beds and are dropped off at work, or back home. I mean 20 of them at a time.
- Scooters/mopeds. I've seen a family of 5 on one of these, plus shopping. AND the women sit side saddle. O and a tank of propane.
- The view from the top of Volcan San Pedro. Enough said.
- A bag of water. Who knows?! But it's true. You can walk into a shop and buy a bag of drinking water - they give you a wee straw.
- Dead snakes. I'm sorry mum, but I really wanna see a live one for a change.
- "Pulsar" bikes. Never heard of them before, but hey, they're NICE! Not that I've ever been on one....thanks Jason.
- Orchid man. Every day a man walks the length and breadth of Calle Santander offering tourists the opportunity to buy a beautiful orchid. Here's a tip: say "lo siento, no tengo una casa". Works for me!
- Health & safety. Er, what health & safety?!? Here you can jump on a horse for the first time in your life and gallop off down the busy main road pretending you're Indiana Jones (especially if you've got a hat to wave in the air...Chris)
- Hippies, man. The towns of San Pedro and San Marcos seem to attract hippies/new age type/ufo-ologists etc from all over the earth searching for some kind of peace. It would seem humans have some kind of spiritual need. Huh! The bible's right again...
- Lake Atitlan. What a beautiful place this is. Especially in the morning, when the water is as smooth as glass, and the sun lights up the front of each volcano, and the sky is clear and blue. Very special.
- Posas. Alison & Natalie! (actually means "hot springs" but I choose an alternative understanding)
Feel/Touch:
- Stomach cramp. Need I say more? Keep taking the grapefruit seed extract and you'll be ok.
- "No-see-ums". These little........... bums, shall we call them, bite your ankles at every available opportunity (that'd be your knees dad). They're like an evil cross between midges and mosquitoes - and they draw blood! Why on earth did Jehovah create them?? Pass the 100% Deet please!
- Sore calves. Ow! It took 3 days for my calves to stop aching! I know, I'm unfit.
- Boats. Returning from San Pedro in the early evening can be...interesting. My backside was killing me after an hour's boat crossing. The waves were so rough we were repeatedly thrown up a good 6" and slammed back down onto the plastic bench seat.
- Half metal bridge. There's this small bridge made of wooden planks, plastic barrels and steel girders. Its partially covered with sheet metal, but there are holes everywhere. I'm not sure the metal girders are actually supported on one side. It bounces when you walk on it. Literally bounces. They drive tuk tuks over it! They are nuts!!
- Wooden bench seats. In the Kingdom Hall we sit on, what can only be described as, wooden church pews. I...will...never...complain...about...UK...seats...again.
- Heat. It's lovely and warm. All the time. If you don't believe me, ask Al. So, why are the locals dressed like it's cold??
- Single ply loo roll. Enough said...
- Tumulos. These are THE MOST annoying things! They are speed bumps, or "sleeping policemen". But here's the catch: they're homemade!!! If a shop owner wants you to slow down outside his shop, he'll nip out one day with a bucket of concrete, and hey presto! A speed bump. O, and another catch: they are everywhere! I mean everywhere. Even slap bang in the middle of nowhere
- Amoebas. These are not pleasant. At first I thought I had food poisoning. Then I thought I was dying. Symptoms? THE WORST diahorrea! I eventually spoke with Doctor Neto who diagnosed them for me simply by asking 4 questions (if of weak disposition, look away now): "is your stomach sore? (yes), where does it hurt? (high up, around my solar plexus), do you have diahorrea? (....ye-ess...), is there (this word removed for health reasons)....? Ok, you can look back now.
Tastes:
- Shawn Eisenhauer's cajun swordfish. Abso-bloomin-lutely delish!
- weird tortillas. Why is it that "authentic" Central American tortillas and tacos taste boggin?
- Liquados. Mm mm! Tasty fruit smoothy/milkshake things made with drinkable yoghurt. I've only tried strawberry and pineapple so far, so I'll keep trying them for you until I know which is the best....
- Chris' "onchiladas". Enchiladas to you and I, these were a surprising delicacy!
- Deet. Not a good idea to inhale that stuff- trust me.
- Proper authentic Indian curry. You know, like you get in Glasgow. None of that fruity nonsense. There is none. I think I'm in withdrawal.
- Papaya. Not nice!
- Pineapple. Very nice!
- Smokin' Joe's pulled pork. Very tasty indeed. So's the chicken by the way. O, and the chocolate brownie smothered in cream and chocolate sauce. Hmm, I'm suddenly a little peckish. Can't think why...
- Chilli. Have to say, a little disappointing to be honest - kinda bland. O! Except Bill Gross' homemade chilli - now that's tasty!
- Fruit smoothies. I'm sorry. I can't help it. I try to resist but i can't! Banana and peanut butter smoothies for breakfast. Yum! (...sorry..)
Panajachel is a special place, full of contradictions. But
the best thing about it? Our brothers and sisters. Despite being a relatively
small, newly established congregation, it is full of spiritually minded
brothers and sisters, who work hard for Jehovah. We have loved every minute of
our time here. We're coming back...
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| Shortly after arriving, on the boat to San Pedro. They taught me how to say, "don't do that"... "ganneh noh dueh dat". Though Mark says when I try to speak with a Scottish accent, I sound Pakistani. Oh well. |
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